A new way of listening

For a few years now, I’ve had some strange (to me) “energetic” events in my life. At a BBQ at Dawn’s a couple of summers ago, the energy in the house (from all the happy party folks) was so big and overwhelming, I ended up standing in her butler’s pantry to buffer myself from it. Later the same day, I was honored with fabulous birthday gifts from a group of friends (I think there were 15 of them—friends, that is!), and the energy of their love bearing down on me, although wonderful in one sense, was so overwhelming, I had to actually leave the house to escape it.

Fast forward to last year, and this stuff started happening with greater frequency and with bigger impact on me. Truth be told, it freaked me out.

I mean…what was it? Why was I picking up on it? What was I supposed to do with it? And most importantly, how could I make it STOP?

As with many things, I didn’t take any action—in part because I didn’t know what action to take. And then, one day, I was shown a website, with a picture of the woman whose site it was, and I immediately and nearly violently had a reaction to her. I knew, without every having talked with, or standing toe-to-toe with her, that she wasn’t someone I should ever have anything to do with. There was absolutely no doubt about it for me. It was a strong and very clear bit of information. Later, FWIW, I learned things about her that let me know how spot on that information, and my decision to not know her, were.

Shortly thereafter, I was visiting L at his condo. Someone close to him (someone I didn’t know at the time) had just decorated it for the Christmas holidays. And her energy was so HUGE that I almost couldn’t breathe. I started crying and couldn’t stop. I paced around, walking (literally) into the corners of rooms trying to find a place where her energy wasn’t present. At one point, I even considered climbing into his bathtub and hiding behind the shower curtain. I finally settled for sitting cross-legged on his sofa hugging a huge throw pillow across my chest. It took a couple of hours, but I was finally able to deal with the energy and be ok in his space. And once I was calm, I realized that, although huge, her energy was incredibly joyful and loving. While calm, I was able to take in information…that while she was decorating, she had felt all those wonderful emotions, and had left them behind when she had finished. So it was a good thing, and taught me things about her that I have also since confirmed. Fortunately for me, L didn’t think I was crazy. At the time, I wasn’t so sure.

The very next day, I called my friend and gifted intuitive, Lynn Robinson. Crying, I shared what was going on with me and asked her where I could learn about it and what to do with it. She offered me some great resources, and gave me comfort.

Later that day, talking with LJ, she reminded me that she worked with an intuitive named Jennifer Crews. I went to look at Jennifer’s site, and realizing that she taught people about intuition, and also taught grounding skills, I called her immediately, and left a deeply emotional plea for her help.

She wasn’t there, but ultimately we decided to work together. We began the process by having her share with me about energy and intuition. I shared what had been going on with me, and she gave me some tools to learn and implement to help ground me and protect me.

Since then, I’ve had a couple energetic experiences; of special note, a spontaneous screaming orgasm (the largest, most spectacular of my life) in the middle of a phone conversation (can you imagine what that must have been like?). Thank God for Jennifer, because I surely didn’t know how to make sense out of that one.

I’ve learned a lot about energy, about the language of energy, about myself—including the fact that this “thing” is genuinely a gift. I’ve learned I have a “soul agreement” with a dear man in my life (more on that in another post to come), and I’ve learned that these energetic/intuitive happenings aren’t things to be controlled, but rather, things to be experienced, as is, without judgment.

That’s the big wake up for me.

See, to me, this stuff was coming at me unbidden, and frankly, if I couldn’t stop it, I really wanted to control it. What was hardest for me was the suddenness and the rapidness that this stuff would come at me. When it happens, it feels, quite literally, like slamming, face first, into a wall I didn’t see (but ran into at about sixty m.p.h). I didn’t feel like I’d asked for the information I was receiving—it was unbidden (and not necessarily wanted, either) and uncomfortable.

So when Jennifer explained to me that what I needed to do was ground myself so that when I had an energetic experience I could actually manage well to stand there, be present for it, let it slam into me, and accept it, as is, without judging or, as I’m want to do, trying to dissect it for for the sake of trying to understand it, there was a huge shift inside me. The thought that how I’m experiencing things is the way I’m supposed to be experiencing them, and that there’s nothing strange, freaky, or “wrong” about any of it, has been incredibly powerful and settling for me.

Part of this informs the title of my blog, btw. I knew, going into last year's sabbatical, that I was leaving Virtualosophy behind, and wanting to write a far more personal blog.

In the last quarter of the year, I thought and thought about what this new blog would be, what it would be called, and what I might write about. And I didn't find it--it was nowhere to be found--until I started working with Jennifer and began to learn new ways to listen to my life. And so I continue this part of my journey. In fact, I have a new attitude about it—a sort of, “hell yeah… bring it on” attitude imbued with genuine excitement. No longer afraid, I look forward to learning more, to actively working to develop this unexpected gift, and to receiving whatever the Universe sees fit to send my way.

Comments

[Laura Jo Richins]

Wow!!!! Thanks for sharing. It sounds like you have begun a new exploration in your life. Your writing is so powerful. Thank you so much for sharing things that are personal for you and yet so inspiring for me.

I look forward to future posts as you explore your new listening skills. Way to go, my friend!!

LJ

[michael j hillsey]

i am glad you have come to realize that your "sensing" is not an aberration...you are indeed fortunate to be responsive with your whole self...most of us have lost that capacity, willingly or unwillingly, to a large degree. mjh

[Pam Ryan]

Some mornings I wake up with a song in my head or a song pops into my head while I'm in the shower. I never realized that these songs are part of my intuition until I participated in a tele-class with Jennifer Crews. My "song of the day" today was "We're Not Gonna Take It" by Quiet Riot!