Listening To My Life

31 Days of Wishes: Day 7 (Clarity)

Today I wish for:

Clarity

Some days I’m crystal clear and laser-like about everything—what I want, need, seek, have no use for—it takes me no time to decide about things and I spend no time revisiting the decisions once made because I'm sure of the rightness of it all.

Some days, things seem to circle back around on themselves, giving me too many options, and allowing me to find no clarity of direction (in any context). Today’s like that.

I’ve wondered if, in the unclear times, the lack of clarity is a result of my somehow having become separated from my self—from Source. And sometimes, I can become more clear by stopping and napping, or praying, or meditating, or even cuddling with a cat. But sometimes, nothing I do provides clarity.

Now that I’ve written that out loud, I think that perhaps those moments (the ones where nothing I do helps me find clarity) come because it’s not time for me to know the direction. Perhaps the clarity I seek is a message to sit and wait. Perhaps there’s something else on its way to me that I can’t see now, but the seeing of which will give me the clarity I need on other things. I’ll work with that and see what happens.

Huh. Funny, this—in the wishing, and the writing, I’ve found what I wanted! Yay for wishing!

Pushed into clarity

Speaking of getting clear… 

I love when I get pushed into situations where I end up expressing something in a way that’s so clear and right, but that I might not have gotten to any other way—or at least not that quickly.

Those pushed moments don’t happen often for me. I don’t know if it’s because there are too few people who back me into a proverbial corner, or if it’s just that I rarely ever feel backed into a proverbial corner, or if it’s that when backed into a corner, I rarely come out swinging to get out of it…instead staying there and dealing with what happens there. But sometimes…some times…the stars align, the perfect question gets asked, the push is there, and it all just happens.

It’s happened twice in the last calendar year. The first was when R asked my “thing” was. “What one thing,” she asked, “did I need to get out to the world?”

When I told her there wasn’t one, she pushed. She was sure that there was…one. Just one.

And her push was for me to tell her what it was. I couldn’t do it, because, in the push, I was finally able to express that there is not one. There are several. Many, maybe. But certainly more than one. That was huge for me, the blessed clarity that came in that answer.

Then, the other day, I was on a call with E and M. And in that conversation, I got pushed to get clear on what I want for my business. The pushing came as a result of two questions:

Question 1: What do you want?
Answer 1: I want to do well and good. I want to serve the world through whatever contribution I make.

Question 2: Could it be that you’re afraid of playing big?
Answer 2: No. I’m not afraid of playing big. If I were, AssistU never would have been created, nor would I now be ready to step out and play on my own, outside of AssistU.

That led to my saying this: "What I’m afraid of is having to bastardize my work for money."

On the surface, even when I repeat that out loud, it sounds like what I'm saying is that I won't whore myself. The deal, though, is that  all along I've known that I won’t offer crap to make more money. And more—I won’t offer what other people might find valuable if I know it’s crap. I won’t be seductive or manipulative to get business. I won’t endorse anything I think isn’t genuinely worth endorsing. And I won’t ram my stuff down anyone's throat.

The difference is that I'd never said, out loud, what I really said in that moment, which was that I'm afraid that the only way I'm ultimately going to make money is by bastardizing my work--something I obviously feel strongly against doing. So that was the clarity I was pushed to and am grateful for.

Now, if I could just get someone to push me to find my answer as to how shameless self promotion fits in with all of this, I’d be set ;)

Diving into change

The whole stacybrice.com (don’t bother looking…there still isn’t anything there) thing, in fact, this whole renewed love of my work thing that came about in June when I spent the day learning from David Neagle, has led to a most unexpected eventuality. I’m changing.

 

Now J has been telling me for months that I'm changing, and I knew that that was true in some ways, but what's happened to me, change-wise, since June has shown it to me with crystal clarity.

 

A story… from the other day, at lunch (we do this a lot) with Dawn, again at the same fav lunch haunt. The day was gorgeous—in fact, our entire summer here has been uncharacteristically so. The host asked if we wanted to eat inside or outside, and Dawn looked to me for the answer, because I tend to wilt in the heat, and she thought for sure I would rather eat inside. I said enthusiastically, “Outside, please!”

 

Dawn looked at me oddly and asked, “Who are you, and what have you done with my best friend?”

 

:)

 

Outside, she, of course, didn’t look at the menu. We always order the same things at this place. I, on the other hand, was trying to decide if I wanted something other than the usual.

 

Again, this time with a bit of a stink-eye, “Who are you, and what have you done with my best friend?”

 

:)

 

And lastly (at least for that day), during lunch, she suggested we do one of our infamous work weekends before my sabbatical begins in October (those of you new to me wouldn’t know that, for the past ten years, I’ve taken a sabbatical at the end of each year—in the most recent years, not working at all during the last quarter of the year). Finishing my bit of Kung Pao chicken, I tossed back casually, “Oh, I’m not taking a sabbatical this year.”

 

“Who ARE you, and WTF have you done with my best friend??”

 

:)

 

I’m here. Really I am. I’m just vibrating differently than a few months ago. And it’s alllllll good. I’m still the person people have known…only infinitely bettah. And man, am I grateful that God has surrounded me with the people closest to me. They’ve loved me this far, and I know that they’re gonna love me even more moving forward.

 

Change is, indeed, a wonderful thing, and I feel like I’m diving, head first, into all of it I can get myself into.

 

More from the “front” as it happens. This is so exciting! :D

 

Props to the brave girls

I don't think of myself as especially brave. E tells me that i don't see anything about myself as unusual or especially valuable because it's stuff that's so natural to me. Maybe bravery is one of those things.

Whether I am, or not, since I've been blogging here, I've had the honor of hearing some pretty amazing life stories told by women who blow me away.

Today, M shared part of a story with me, that, in combination with something else I knew was going on with someone oh-so dear to me, just made me cry. Right there. On the spot. Hot angry/sad tears streaming down both my cheeks, and me, with difficulty breathing. My heart just hurts beyond the meaning of that word, for all of us who have been injured by the very people who were supposed to keep us safe. And the stories--oh, the stories and the depths of the pain they hold. No one should have such stories, you know?

So, here's a really quick, down and dirty, from the heart shout out to all the brave girls who refuse to be silent anymore. May our stories inspire and empower bravery in others, and may our combined voices do something to prevent the hurting of more children.

You Can Heal Your Life--the movie

Last night, D and I went to a screening of the new Hay House film, “You Can Heal Your Life” (see the info/trailer). Our massage therapist, Nancy, had invited us to come to Ojas (voted Baltimore’s best Yoga studio--yay!) for it, and we were excited (ok, I was excited, and D was along for the ride, but he ended up liking it well enough).

If you’ve not heard of it, this is an inspirational film based on Louise Hay’s book by the same name. In it, Louise and other metaphysical and self-help authors and experts (like Cheryl Richardson, Cristiane Northrup, Gregg Braden, Doreen Virtue, Mona Lisa Schulz, Gay Hendriks—who also wrote and produced the film, and Esther Hicks) share their experiences and thoughts about what people can do to heal their lives.

Like every other Hay House product I’ve ever seen, it’s beautifully done, and visually stunning. If you’re new to Hay’s work, it’s a perfect introduction. If you’re not new to her work, it’s still vastly worth the purchase price, as not only will you get the reminder of her work, but four hours of interviews with the other folks in the movie, and an interactive affirmations tool (there are two versions of the movie—the extended version has the extras, and that's the one I like to, above).

I loved it, and it’s called me to go back through the book and rework the exercises—I haven’t read the book for five years, and it’s time to pull it off the shelf and get busy.

If you’ve seen the movie, and/or read the book, will you please share your experiences in a comment? I’d love to know your thoughts!

And…I’ve noticed that Louise Hay and friends are taking their show on the road (so to speak—no disrespect intended by that remark!), and will be in New York in November. I think I’d like to go—is anyone else interested?

On being precious

Things are changing in my life, and as a result, I am changing. Or, maybe it's the other way 'round.

The Law of Attraction would say that as I become more Attractive, I attract better people, things, and situations. Mike Dooley, whose work can be summed up as "Thoughts become things," would say that my thoughts are drawing better people, things, and situations to me. My friend C might say that as I show myself capable of handling and being responsible with better people, things, and situations, God is sending them my way. However it's happening, I'm glad that it is.

Of the changes, the one I think I like best is the decision I made to have no one in my life on more than a cursory level who doesn't see me as being utterly precious. More, seeing me that way isn't enough--showing me that I'm precious is critical. Words are nice; words plus actions are the best.

Over the past several years, I've purged from my life several people who shouldn't be here--most significantly, my mother. I know the peace of putting to rest relationships that are draining and rotten to the core. In considering this most recent decision about my life, I've not yet thought of anyone currently in my life that I need to let go of. What's important now is deeply considering who to let in, and being willing to bless them and send them on their way should they show themselves needing to go. :)

Recommended Resources:
1. The Portable Coach, by Thomas Leonard
Learn about Attraction in a way that is easy to understand and integrate into you life.
2. Notes From the Universe from Mike Dooley
A daily, personalized email blast that will help you remember the "awesome power you possess for the creative manipulation of "all things time and space" - especially your happiness!"