We were talking today about why women (some…maybe many) stay in relationships with men where they’re unhappy.
We have talked through several such relationships in the years we’ve been friends, and today, in talking about the woman having an affair with a married man where the sex was awful, I said, said, “I don’t get it—she’s not getting even ONE of the big three.”
The big three are the chief ingredients I think have to be present in some mix or measure in order for it to make ANY sense for a woman to stick around. Women getting all three seem to me to be pretty content. Women in relationships where one is missing, or not present in a goodly quantity can be happy with the other two. But a woman getting none? Ummmm…staying is just flat out stupid (in my considered opinion, of course).
And before I say what they are, let me add that there are other ingredients that get glommed in to the three (I guess I’m saying this because I’m worried that some of you may simply reach through your monitors and poke my eyes out when you read this), and I’ll explain that in a sec.
So, the holy trinity, as it were, of relationship gimmes is: Great sex, a future, and bling.
This is where Dawn snorted.
To explain these a bit more…
Great sex (includes general affection, and a man being the kind of man you need him to be (sensitive, a he-man, etc.)
A future (includes shared values, goals, interests—all the things that would need to be present if you were to have “a future” with someone)
Bling (not just jewelry, but that wouldn’t hurt—but what I really mean is that he’s generous and buys you stuff”)
See where I’m going with this?
Great Sex + Future + Bling = Paradise
And then, depending on the woman and what’s important to her, any of the following combos could give her enough to have the relationship be just delightful:
Great Sex + a Future + little to no Bling
Bling + Great Sex - Future
Future + Bling + Less Than Great Sex, or Little Sex
Our conversational woman had no future with the guy she also wasn’t having great sex with, *and* he wasn’t buying her a-n-y-t-h-i-n-g.
So what I can’t figure out is why she keeps hanging around.
I admit that sometimes, I don’t really understand women. We have needs. We gotta get, or we will not be happy. Unhappy women are bitches. Even *we* don’t like bitches. And the bitches never like being bitches. So why don’t they move on and find a man who doesn’t leave them feeling resentful and unhappy? Any ideas?
This is what I’m pondering today. Your input is most welcome.