Pushed into clarity

Speaking of getting clear…

I love when I get pushed into situations where I end up expressing something in a way that’s so clear and right, but that I might not have gotten to any other way—or at least not that quickly.

Those pushed moments don’t happen often for me. I don’t know if it’s because there are too few people who back me into a proverbial corner, or if it’s just that I rarely ever feel backed into a proverbial corner, or if it’s that when backed into a corner, I rarely come out swinging to get out of it…instead staying there and dealing with what happens there. But sometimes…some times…the stars align, the perfect question gets asked, the push is there, and it all just happens.

It’s happened twice in the last calendar year. The first was when R asked my “thing” was. “What one thing,” she asked, “did I need to get out to the world?”

When I told her there wasn’t one, she pushed. She was sure that there was…one. Just one.

And her push was for me to tell her what it was. I couldn’t do it, because, in the push, I was finally able to express that there is not one. There are several. Many, maybe. But certainly more than one. That was huge for me, the blessed clarity that came in that answer.

Then, the other day, I was on a call with E and M. And in that conversation, I got pushed to get clear on what I want for my business. The pushing came as a result of two questions:

Question 1: What do you want?
Answer 1: I want to do well and good. I want to serve the world through whatever contribution I make.

Question 2: Could it be that you’re afraid of playing big?
Answer 2: No. I’m not afraid of playing big. If I were, AssistU never would have been created, nor would I now be ready to step out and play on my own, outside of AssistU.

That led to my saying this: "What I’m afraid of is having to bastardize my work for money."

On the surface, even when I repeat that out loud, it sounds like what I'm saying is that I won't whore myself. The deal, though, is that all along I've known that I won’t offer crap to make more money. And more—I won’t offer what other people might find valuable if I know it’s crap. I won’t be seductive or manipulative to get business. I won’t endorse anything I think isn’t genuinely worth endorsing. And I won’t ram my stuff down anyone's throat.

The difference is that I'd never said, out loud, what I really said in that moment, which was that I'm afraid that the only way I'm ultimately going to make money is by bastardizing my work--something I obviously feel strongly against doing. So that was the clarity I was pushed to and am grateful for.

Now, if I could just get someone to push me to find my answer as to how shameless self promotion fits in with all of this, I’d be set ;)