Now, I should have just left the store when I realized I couldn’t get what I’d gone for; stores, especially bookstores, tend to be dangerous places for me. They just have so many very enticing things in them—and usually not just books, but blank books for writing in, and calendars, and magazines, and games, and little gifty things, and…well, I can spend a mint in bookstores. The problem is that I buy stuff that appeals to me there, but get it home and hardly ever touch it again. Isn’t that just the craziest? It sure explains why wandering around in bookstores is unwise for me, though, and why I have about fifty books in stacks on my office floor I’ve not touched since they day I brought them home.
But wander around I did, and while I was doing so, E called.
I told him about where I was and about how it was so dangerous for me. He said
what was to become my lesson for today. He said, “There’s a certain joy in the
(I corrected this to reflect what E actually said)
It’s not that I’m a compulsive shopper. I don’t have to shop
at all, and I am perfectly able to go into most stores, look around, and buy
nothing. But when I see something I want—something that genuinely floats my
boat—I usually buy it, and then it just sits.
And I rarely return things that aren’t as wonderful as I
thought (which is why things sit). On some level, it seems a big hassle to go
back. I do end up giving a lot of neat things to charity, though, whenever I
finally realize I’m not going to use whatever I bought.
The more I write about it, the more twisted this seems. Do any of you do seemingly whacko things like this? And if so, do you just let them “be” in your life, or do you work to change the craziness? My fabulous therapist, M, would challenge me with this question: “Does it impact your aliveness?”
Well, yes, and no. Not on any remotely big level, but it is wasteful (in terms of money spent that could have been allocated for other things). Of course, given that it all ultimately ends up with a charity, I guess one could make the convoluted case that my compunction is actually, in the end, being put to some good. But really, given the choice…would I rather have the funds to do something else with, or am I content having it go to charity?
Maybe that’s the lesson for tomorrow.