Today’s lesson—an explanation for one of my crazier habits

I went to see Made Of Honor, and loved it, loved it, loved it. I think it’s just knocked Love Actually off the top of my movies list. After, I went to Borders to buy the soundtrack, which was really very nice. But it seems Sony didn’t release the soundtrack. Not to stores, not to iTunes, not even for download from them directly. It doesn’t even show up in any catalog of available or about to be released music. Screwy, that.

Now, I should have just left the store when I realized I couldn’t get what I’d gone for; stores, especially bookstores, tend to be dangerous places for me. They just have so many very enticing things in them—and usually not just books, but blank books for writing in, and calendars, and magazines, and games, and little gifty things, and…well, I can spend a mint in bookstores. The problem is that I buy stuff that appeals to me there, but get it home and hardly ever touch it again. Isn’t that just the craziest? It sure explains why wandering around in bookstores is unwise for me, though, and why I have about fifty books in stacks on my office floor I’ve not touched since they day I brought them home.

But wander around I did, and while I was doing so, E called. I told him about where I was and about how it was so dangerous for me. He said what was to become my lesson for today. He said, “There’s a certain joy in the procurement acquisition.” (I corrected this to reflect what E actually said)

Man. He really nailed it for me. I actually enjoy the process of acquiring the stuff. It’s the looking, selecting, and buying I love—far more than the having. In fact, the having can be a bit of a let down, as whatever drew me to buy it in the first place doesn’t pan out to be as wonderful as I thought it would be as I considered, then chose the thing I was buying.

It’s not that I’m a compulsive shopper. I don’t have to shop at all, and I am perfectly able to go into most stores, look around, and buy nothing. But when I see something I want—something that genuinely floats my boat—I usually buy it, and then it just sits.

And I rarely return things that aren’t as wonderful as I thought (which is why things sit). On some level, it seems a big hassle to go back. I do end up giving a lot of neat things to charity, though, whenever I finally realize I’m not going to use whatever I bought.

The more I write about it, the more twisted this seems. Do any of you do seemingly whacko things like this? And if so, do you just let them “be” in your life, or do you work to change the craziness? My fabulous therapist, M, would challenge me with this question: “Does it impact your aliveness?”

Well, yes, and no. Not on any remotely big level, but it is wasteful (in terms of money spent that could have been allocated for other things). Of course, given that it all ultimately ends up with a charity, I guess one could make the convoluted case that my compunction is actually, in the end, being put to some good. But really, given the choice…would I rather have the funds to do something else with, or am I content having it go to charity?

Maybe that’s the lesson for tomorrow.

Comments

[moroccanmaryam]

I understand what you mean. I actually find that my procurement problem is with buying on the internet - and of course, often when I do purchase, I find that it's not quite what I had hoped for. But it's always a thrill to buy. eeek!

[olga hermly]

Our human ancestors were hunters and gatherers. The men were the hunters and the women were the gatherers. You are just doing what comes genetically.

[Tapestry]

One of the things I am learning as I age is that owning possessions stops being fun when the possessions own us. When the getting, having, and disposing of things consume our time, energy, and resources then the lesson begging to be learned is how to simplify.
And while I'll agree that sometimes the procurement is joy enough, I also challenge you to look more deeply and be sure that what follows the procurement is how you want to allocate your time and energy and thoughts. If the answer is yes, then go for it! Fill your souls' deepest needs and procure away. But if the answer is no, then search to find what your souls' longing is, and feed that.
As for me, I keep trying to divest U/us of belongings which no longer serve our needs, and frankly, I grow weary of the trip to Goodwill.

[dave]

Sometimes we spend when we're trying to "fill the void".
Sometimes it's food, sometime's it's drink, or drug, sometimes it's relationships and yes, sometimes it's spending. If you think (and you used the word yourself) that it's "dangerous" for you to be in a store...
Then you may want to look at THAT, not the purchase or purchasing of stuff.
Just my 2 cents.
Thanks

[Anastacia]

Dave...

All (ok, most) women find some sort of shopping "dangerous." For some it's shoe shopping. For others, clothes shopping. We're all whores for some sort of material goods. For me, it's books.

Is it genuinely "dangerous?" Not in the least. It's just uber enticing. :)

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Tapestry and Olga, thank you for your thoughts!
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Maryam--omgosh, it's good to see you here! Thank you for stopping by. I can only imagine how much fun procuring must be in Marrakesh!