What is arrogance?

As I step more and more into my power, I worry about becoming arrogant. It concerns me so much that thoughts about this have consumed countless hours of my time and have resulted in waaaaaay too much hair twirling.

The dictionary says arrogance is: offensive display of superiority or self-importance; overbearing pride.

Synonyms are: haughtiness, insolence, disdain.
Antonyms are: humility, modesty, diffidence

I cringe when I read the definition and synonyms. My whole body feels lighter when I read the antonyms. That tells me a lot about myself, who I believe myself to be, and who I absolutely want to be in this world.

And yet, I am supremely self-confident, and I really know my stuff. I refuse to shrink and pretend to be less than simply to make other people feel better about themselves, or to get them to like me.

What's that if not arrogance? That refusal to be small… that want to share what I know with the world…how is that NOT arrogant?

The other night on the Craig Ferguson show he said (jokingly) that the difference between self-confidence and arrogance is whether you agree with him.

That would seem to say that arrogance does not come from within, but rather is imposed upon you by others' views of you, your views, your behavior, etc.

I feel quite certain that there are people in this world who think I am absolutely arrogant. I talked with Dawn about it today and she said she has never once seen me as arrogant. In her view, someone is arrogant if closed to the possibilities inherent in the opinions or ideas of others. I love the possibilities inherent in the opinions or ideas of others. So maybe I'm not arrogant.

Last Tuesday, RA told me she believes me incapable of arrogance. Last Wednesday, JC echoed that, and said that graciousness and humility are my hallmarks, and that as I grow more into who it is that I am becoming, I'll actually become more compassionate and giving to others than I am today. I admit I was happy to hear that.

I try to relax into it. I really do. But it feels like I have to be ever vigilant—guarding myself against becoming that person I don't want to be. Perhaps that's a sensitivity that comes from having narcissists for parents. Something to consider, that. After all, when everything is about them, all the time, arrogance is something a child like me couldn't help but learn about, first-hand. Maybe I just worry about becoming like them.

Honest…if you ever see me being arrogant, you have my permission to bitch slap me. I won't even care if I disagree. It's something I would just far and away prefer to avoid, at any cost. Will you do that for me? Please? :)

Comments

[M]

I agree with Dawn. The word "arrogance" implies that a person believes that he (his self) is better than everyone else...AND that no one else could possibly achieve greatness. No one could ever accuse you of that. :)

[Cindy Hillsey]

You are *not* arrogant, and I promise to bitch slap you if you are! LOL

hugs,
cindy

[Leslie N.]

My beloved Stac,

As a fellow child of narcissists, I can relate. But I think you're safe. Because the one thing we don't want to be is them. And we have their voices and the memory of their self-centeredness always speaking into the back of our brains, telling us we're not doing it right. I don't know about you, but I expend so much energy de-fanging those "not good enough" voices that seeped into my DNA.... I think the thing that holds me back is that I'm always checking and double-checking with people to make sure I haven't been arrogant or offensive. There's such a thing as healthy arrogance -- and without it you can't coach or lead. You've got that all over the place, with humility and a tough upbringing as a failsafe. A rockstar needs enough arrogance to charge money for her music, and enough wisdom/practice to strip it away once she gets onstage, so she can let her fans into her soul.

All my love, still and always,
Les

[Kiesha]

I think as imperfect people, we should try to stop seeking certain advice from other imperfect people and start to seek it from God(Jesus). After all He knows way more than all of us lol. We worry way too much about what people think and not enough about what God thinks. I'm dealing with this whole people pleasing/ approval addiction thing myself and I'm just asking God to do for me what I can't do for my self. The truth is, that if in fact you are arrogant, ( i'm not implying you are)you are going to need to be delivered from this state and only God is a deliverer. We cannot change ourselves on the inside where all of our problems come from without God. We can only mask the symptoms by attempting to minipulate others (with words or deeds) into believing us to be who we want them to think we are.